


The Pool of Deadness

by TinyFloatingPotato



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-09 01:20:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3230837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyFloatingPotato/pseuds/TinyFloatingPotato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Guardians think this is a random criminal, which it was, at first, but then a certain someone gets involved and, well, he is a dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Capturing the Criminal

Rocket and Drax are piloting the Milano, while Peter, Gamora, and Groot are researching their next target

Rocket and Drax are talking

“So what happened then?” Drax asks

“I killed him. He was being a bastard” Rocket replies

“Just for being an accomplice to your creation, you killed a man?”

“Yeah” Rocket continues to adjust the controls

“Huh, I guess I underestimated you.”

“Did you think I was _cute_ and _cuddly_ when you met me?” He lets go of his controls to make a ‘cute’ face with his hands and face

Drax smiles, “Grab the controls”

Rocket grabs the control sticks again.

Drax yells to the back, “So, where to next?”

Peter replies, “I don’t know, but try to head into the sixth quadrant, we have a lot of suspects there”

The two maneuver the control sticks and slightly turn the ship

Peter and Gamora are talking while Groot is on the monitor behind them

“How about this one: Four thousand units, close to us, and he isn’t _that_ dangerous” He holds up the glass ‘tablet’

“Please, Quill, we can handle more” She holds her glass tablet up, “This one: Twenty thousand units, close to us, has killed four hundred people, and hasn’t been apprehended in two years. Every officer that goes near him is either missing or killed”

Peter can’t speak, just stand there with his jaw dropped

“Well?” Gamora asks

Peter snaps out of his daze, “I’m not putting my baby in harm’s way” He rubs the table

Rocket yells from the front, “You can’t keep her shiny all of the time, Quill”

Gamora adds, “Yeah, you have to get her some battle scars”

“No, I am not allowing _my Milano_ to be destroyed”

“Fine, we’ll go with that one” She points to Peter’s tablet

\--

They land on the planet where the guy lives. A small planet, with a few land masses about the size of Australia, the rest, a form of water which, when touched, slowly eats away anything organic

Peter is the head of the group today, “Okay, two to the left, two to the right, and I’ll go through the front.”

They all begin to set themselves up, Rocket with his gun, Groot with…Grooty stuff, Gamora with her batons, and Drax with his pants

“Let’s get us our payday” Peter slams the button to open the back hatch

They tread quietly, being sure not to touch the small puddles of ‘acid’ water

\--

In a tall tower, a large, blue ’man’ sits on a chair. He is watching the native people of the planet create small diamonds. He also has a chalice of acid water, which he swirls in front of him. When someone doesn’t do what they are supposed to, he stares them into the eyes and swirls the water, threatening them

A loud ruble comes from the roof of the building

He speaks in his own language.

“heOaAOnpenDODSNpoDNDAOPW” <Go check what that was!>

Two guards run up to the roof via a staircase.

The man sits in his throne and continues to watch his slave, when he hears two loud thuds

He looks back at the doorway where the two men went up, and he sees one man come down, walking funny

“dioDNODdnODUDji” <No trouble, I suspect?>

The guard turns around. The other guard is pinned on him with two small knives, one through the heart and one in the stomach

The man is discussed at the sight of this

A voice from behind them speaks, “Should I put them out?”

A long sword slices through their necks, spraying a line of blood onto the slave owner

“fdhobnNDKJLN” <Ahhh!>

When the two bodies drop, a man, wearing all red, is standing there

“gfFEPDSSJNJpspp” <Who the fuck are you?!>

“What?”

The man throws the acid water onto the killer. It doesn’t eat at the clothes, but seeps through and starts eating at deadpool

He screams sarcastically, “Ahh, no, not the water, agh, no. Stop this now! Please” He falls as if he is being melted like the Wicked Witch of the West

The criminal looks at the slaves again and pours another chalice full of water

He lies back into his chair and a sword stabs him though the stomach from behind

“Uh oh! Should have used orange juice. That is what really kills me!” He pulls the sword out, which forces the criminal to drop the chalice, spilling it all over himself

He screams out in pain as he is melted alive

Deadpool looks over at the chair, which is filled with empty clothes now, and looks at the slave workers.

“GET BACK TO WORK” he points is blade at them

They continue to work on their diamonds. Deadpoll grabs the clothes and begins to put them on over his suit

He sits down, with the clothes on, swords X’d on his back, and leg over the armrest

Peter slams the door open, rushing in with his guns. He shoots two warning shots, hitting the top corners of the headrest, which cause them to explode

Rocket and Groot slam through one side of the walls, while Groot and Gamora slam into the other side

Deadpool puts his hands up, “Woah! Nice entrance. Better tha-“

“Shut up, dirtbag! You have a bounty on your head, we’re just here to take you”

\--

They walk out of the building with Deadpool handcuffed. All except Rocket, which is trying to talk with the other people.

Rocket tries his best to speak in their language, “JDOnODuiKJ” <You free, go do stuff>

“DiobdOUDiuDiosKI” <We have nowhere to go>

“fidODISNoDIn” <Just, go do life>

They walk out slowly, and Rocket is about to leave when he sees something shiny blind him

He picks up the chalice, which still has a little water in it, “Hmmm”

He starts to quickly hammer it into a small container, and fills it with a little bit of water, before closing it completely

He runs to the ship, where Peter is waiting for him

“God, Rocket, you took forever!” Peter gripes

“C’mon, let’s go” Rocket says

The ship starts to take off, and shoots to space

 


	2. Shouldn't he be dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you watch Doctor who, you might notice a little Easter egg!

Peter and Gamora are piloting the ship. Groot and Rocket are on prisoner duty, while Drax sleeps.

Gamora looks back at the criminal, “Don’t you think he looks, different?” She asks Peter

“What? No, he’s the guy. Who else could it be?” Peter asks

“I don’t know?” She continues to be on her guard

Groot is polishing some of his guns while Groot continues to stare at the prisoner. He looks Groot in the eyes, as if he were playing a game

Rocket looks back, “Goot, what the hell?”

“I am Groot” <He won’t stop staring at me>

“He’s playing a game with you, ya big idiot”

“I am Groot?” <Is he?> Groot takes his eyes off of Deadpool

“Yay, I win!” He puts his restraint hands up

Rocket takes this as a threat, pulling a gun on him, “Hey, sit the hell down!” He yells

Deadpool sits back down, “Woah, someone needs to give raccoon here a sugar cube or something”

“What the hell did you call me?” Rocket steps closer, putting the gun next to the prisoner’s head

“A raccoon, that’s what you are. Aren’t you?”

“I ought to kill you right now. You’re lucky you’re worth something”

Deadpool puts a finger on the barrel of the gun and slowly pushes it away, “I’m worth something? Oh, no no no, I’m not _that_ guy”

“WHAT?!” The whole crew yells

They stop the ship and walk to the back.

“What the hell do you mean, _you’re not him_?” Peter yells

“I killed him a long time ago”

“Who are you then?” Gamora asks

“You’ll learn that in time” He says

“We don’t have time for this” Peter grabs the prisoner. They both walk into the small hatch on the floor, where the air lock is. It’s a small room, all white, with a small trap door inside of it

Peter and the prisoner are in the room

“I swear to go- I’m never ganna hear the end of this” He mumbles to himself

“You sound ma-“

“Shut up, you’ve caused enough damage” He tells him

He smiles, “Wacha ganna do to me?”

Peter lets go of the prisoner, grabbing a bar on the wall. He also touches the back of his ear making his mask activate

“Ooh, I like your mask” He says

A red light turns on and the trapdoor underneath them begins to open

“What the-“

The air is sucked out of the cabin. Deadpool grabs Peter, but He just swats his hand of causing him to float out of the room. Peter looks down at Him, struggling, holding his throat as if he was being choked.

Peter thinks to himself, “We should have just taken him to Nova Corps, but then he could have escaped. Hell, we escaped, so yeah, this is okay to do. Right?”

The hatch closes underneath Peter, and he climbs back up

“He’s dead?” Rocket asks

“Yeah, he’s dead” Peter answers with a sad tone, “I’m, going to bed” He walks past the crew

\--

Peter is lying in bed, feeling bad about the whole “killing” portion of the day. He looks out his window. He is always amazed at the sight of all of the galaxies. They make him feel so-

“What the hell is that?!” Peter screams

Peter runs out of his room. Groot is asleep in the corner, Gamora is steering the ship, and Rocket is fidgeting with his guns again

Peter is in his underwear when he runs out

“Guys, there’s something out there” He points into his room

“How can something be out there? We would see some kind of life signs on the screen over there”

“I’m telling you guys, there is something out there!”

Gamora walks from the captains chair, “Well, maybe if you had something on, we would be able to take you seriously”

He looks down at himself and runs back into his room. As he’s looking for a robe, he sees the Thing again, “Guys, Guys!”

Rocket yells from outside of the door, “Are you decent” He says sarcastically

“Just get in here!”

They walk into the room, but see nothing outside of the window

“I swear, he was right there” He points out of the window

“Are you on some meds we should know about?” Rocket asks

“I’m not crazy!”

“Listen, the next time you see this _thing_ , just kill it. You’re an adult, you can take care of it” Gamora says

The two walk out of the room; Peter follows them

“I swear, I saw something out there! I…I think it was that criminal from ear-“

Rocket snaps at Peter, “Listen here, we killed him. He is out in space, just floating around. Now, if you have guilt, that’s your problem. Don’t drag us into your guilt trip!”

Peter takes a step back from his friend, “Well sorry, I guess”

Rocket looks down, then walks back to his small gun station he’s made on the floor, while Gamora walks back to the captains chair

Peter takes a seat away from Rocket, and thinks to himself, “They think I’m cra-“

Three loud knocks come from the roof of the ship, _BANG-BANG-BANG_

“What the hell was that?” Peter screams

Rocket replies, “How the hell are we supposed to know?”

Gamora walks to the two guys, along with Groot, which is now awake

Another three knocks come from outside, _BANG-BANG-BANG_

“What did I tell you, there is something out there!” Peter continues

“Nothing can survive out there, it’s lifeless” Gamora says

“Are you sure there isn’t a ship out there?” Peter asks

A red light comes on and loud beeps come from the control panel

“What’s happening now?” Rocket yells

Gamora runs to the front, studying the control panel, “Something’s trying to get in through the airlock!”

The sound of metal bending and pistons struggling comes from the small hatch where the airlock is, then slams closed

The door lock begins to turn and begins to open

“Guess who?” Deadpool pops through the door

“What the hell?” Gamora says

“How did yo-“ Rocket is interrupted by Him

“Don’t worry about that. Now, how can I take control of this place?” He says

The group looks at Him, confused, when a huge chunk of metal slams Deadpool in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious and making him fall back into the airlock room

“Drax, you’re awake” Rocket says

“Who was this?” Drax asks


	3. Why Wont He DIE!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew is still extremley confused. And wade isn't helping, just being a dick

Peter runs to lock the hatch for the air lock

“How the hell did he live after we killed him?” Rocket yells at Gamora

“I don’t know, but we need to do something about thi-“ She is interrupted by the angered raccoon

“Oh, yeah, what do we do? Kill him? We already tried that!”

“Calm down!” Peter yells as he gets up

“Calm down? Did you not just see what I saw? A dead man…walking!” He points to the locked hatch

Peter rubs the back of his head, “Look, we’ll take him to Nova, they’ll know what to do”

An echoed voice comes from the airlock, “You guys talk about me like I’m not even here”

“You’re not supposed to be here” Rocket screams at the floor

“You don’t have to be so mean”

Rocket gets up and begins to scream louder at the floor, “Well, I’d prefer that the people that I kill would stay dead. So excuse me if I’m being a little angry!”

Silence fills the room

Peter begins to walk to the pilot’s seat, “See, we’ll just go, turn him in, and that’s tha-“

He looks back to see a long, silver blade piercing the airlock seam, wiggling around to find the lock, which it does, and severs it with a swift movement.

Deadpool jumps out, putting the blade back into its holster, “Miss m-“

He is struck by the same piece of metal

“He is stupid” Drax says

Deadpool gets up almost instantly, only inches from Drax’s face, “You need to be nicer… physically and emotionally”

Drax uppercuts him, sending him flying across the room in front of Gamora

Deadpool puts his fingers together like an old movie villain, “Oh, who do we have her-“

Gamora kicks his head, cracking his head

“Who is this gu-“

Deadpool gets up again, inches away from Gamora, “ooo, I like you”

She pushes him away, causing him to trip and land in front of Rocket. He lifts his head, “Oh, you’re so cute!”

Rocket lifts up a gun he was previously polishing, and points it in between Deadpools eyes

“Hey, that’s cheating!”

Rocket pulls the trigger, blasting a hole into His skull

“Ahh, nothing like killing someone you hate a lot” Rocket leans on his gun like a full sized cane

Peter runs to the scene yelling, “Hey, you got blood everywhere! This is ganna take forever to get out” He rubs a small spot of blood with a cloth on the table

“Next time I’ll be sure to be cleane-“ His gun he was leaning on is swiped from him, causing him to fall onto the ground

“Now, can we just pause for a second?” Deadpool yells as he waives the gun around carelessly, “does anyone have an aspirin?”

The crew looks at the lunatic confused and scared

“God damn, my head hurts” He turns and is confronted by a large piece of wood, “what the he-“

Groot stabs him through his stomach, and pulls out. Deadpool falls to the floor coughing blood through his costume

“Nice job Groot” Rocket walks up to the dying man and grabs the gun, “Ya did good” He puts the gun back to Deadpools head and pulls the trigger again. “Now, can someone get the god damn shackles?” Rocket screams

\--

Deadpool wakes to the crew staring at him. He is cuffed to his seat along with chains grasping him tighter than his costume

“Oh, kinky?” He looks at every guardian, “Do you. I’d do you. Do you. I’d defiantly do you.” He looks to Groot, “Ooh, hard pass”

Rocket grabs a small shank and shoves it into his thigh

“Ahh!”

“Listen here, buddy-“

“Oh, we’re buddies?”

Rocket moves the knife around inside of his leg

“Ahhh!”

“You try to escape, I shoot you. You try to break out, six hidden guns shoot you 100,000 times total. You got that… buddy?” Rocket tells him

Deadpool clicks his tongue and winks at him. Rocket responds with pulling the shank out of his leg

The crew walks back to their spots: Peter and Gamora at the front in the pilot’s chairs, Groot and Drax sleep, and Rocket sits directly in front of Deadpool holding his stun gun pointed directly at him

“So, wacha wanna talk abou-“

Rocket shoots his gun at him, electrocuting him

“Fine” he huffs, “What are your intrest-“


	4. The Undertaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew is on their way to Nova, but Deadpool has something else in mind

“So, what do you do for a living sweet cheeks?” The man in red asks Rocket, who is leaning his head onto his hand.

Rocket didn’t answer, but instead stared him in the eyes, and stayed quiet. It had been six long hours they had been face to face, but Rocket wasn’t going to give up that easy

“How about we play the quiet game?” Rocket asks

The mercenary takes a deep breath in and holds it. The ship fills with silence as Rocket lifts his head; realizing how he had just ended the man’s crazy ramblings

“Hey, Rocket, where did you put the drinks?” Peter yells from behind Rocket. Deadpool stiffens his back and points to Peter, who had ‘broken the rules’

Rocket rolls his eyes, “They’re in the back” He yells. Wade points to Rocket the same way. He continues to hold his breath for a few more seconds before releasing his lungs and letting out a large exhale

“Ahhhh. You guys are good” He tells Rocket

Rocket pinches his fingers between his eyes, “Agh, just shut up” He whispers under his breath

“Huh?”

“Nothing!”

“Hey, by now you should know something about me” He tells Rocket

“What is that?”

He leans forward, as far as his restraints will allow, and whispers, “I’m not afraid of a little death.” He breaks the chains off, spreading his hands and putting them on his hips like a superhero. He isn’t greeted by Rocket’s gun, but, instead, three gunshots from nearly all angles; spraying his blood all over behind him and leaving three large holes inside of His stomach and chest. His body falls to the floor.

“Heh, that easy?” Rocket says. He gets up, but then feels a hand grab his ankle, “What the he-“

The hand pulls, causing his face to slam into the floor and smear back the way it’s pulling. He is lifted up by Deadpool, still having the three holes in him, and is eye level with the largest one in his chest. He notices the skin around the hole begin to regenerate, closing right before his eyes.

The merc grabs a gun and holds it to Rocket’s head, “Everyone listen up!” He looks behind himself, putting his back against one of the walls, “Your friend here won’t re-grow his head back like I do. So all I’m asking is for a little cooperation.”

The entire crew looks at their prisoner, who is now taking them prisoners, and Rocket, who is dangling in front of their new warren.

Peter breaks the silence, “Look, see” He places his gun on the table in front of him, then puts his hands up, “Just don’t hurt our friend”

Gamora does the same, placing all of her weapons onto the ground in front of her.

“Call the other two in here!” He yells at Peter, “Watch this” He whispers into Rocket’s ear

Rocket can hardly understand him. He is seeing blurry. Deadpool looks down at his feet to see a small pool of blood. When he looks at Rocket, His nose is bleeding from the fall. Deadpool holding him upside down isn’t helping his condition in any way.

Peter yells into the other rooms from where he stands, “Groot! Drax!”

The two walk in from separate rooms, seeing Rocket bleeding and their prisoner holding him.

Deadpool aims the gun to Groot’s foot, and takes the shot. The blast nearly disintegrates Groot’s entire foot; all that is left is a stub. Drax catches the now falling tree.

“Get into the airlock!” He yells.

Drax looks at Peter, who gives a faint nod to him, and begins to take himself and his injured friend to the airlock, closing the door behind them.

He waives the gun to Peter, “Put another lock on it!” He obeys and puts another lock on

“There, now I have leverage.” He tosses Rocket onto the table in front of Peter, and grabs His gun

Peter rushes to Rocket’s aid, Gamora following as Deadpool ordered her to get out of his way

“Rocket, you okay?” Peter asks as he rubs his hand on his head

Rocket pushes his hands away from himself, “Don’t… touch… me” He groans at Peter

Gamora grabs a scanner and begins to scan Rocket, “It’s just a fracture and a broken nose. It could have been worse”

Deadpool sits in the pilot’s chair and grabs one of the steering handles, “Let’s make this kitty purr!”

He pushes forward, accelerating the ship faster than they were going

“Where the hell are you taking us?!” Gamora asks

“I’m feeling tired… you know that feeling when you go on vacation and then you get home, and all you want to do is use your own toilet?”

Gamora and Peter stare at the mad man

“Well, I have that. I’m going home” 


	5. Drop Off

Peter is taking care of Rocket’s nose by dabbing it with a paper towel

“What do we do?” Rocket asks Peter

“I don’t know… Gamora, what should we do?” Peter turns to Gamora

“How am I supposed to know? I’ve never battled an immortal before”

Wade’s voice comes from the front, “Hey, Pete, how do I control this?”

Peter whispers, “God dam- He’s ganna crash my baby” He runs to the front

“Hey! Don’t mess anything up!”

Wade turns around with his legs crossed and holding a T-shirt in his lap, stroking it like a cat and speaks with a British accent, “It seems we have come at a cross roads, Mister Quill”

“What the hell are you doing?”

His normal voice comes back, “I’m a villain” He throws the shirt aside, “Anyways, how do we pilot this?”

“We?”

“Yeah, it’s always been a dream of mine to fly an actual space ship” He puts his hands in fists and shakes them by his head

“Listen, _we_ aren’t ganna do anything, I’m gann-“

Wade pulls one of his swords and places it next to Peter’s neck, applying some pressure, “Listen, it’s a dream of mine!”

“Okay, just- take that thing away from me”

He pulls the blade back and places it into its sheath on his back, “Now, what first Captain Kirk?”

“Hey, I remember Captai-“

Wade laughs along with him, then spins Peter’s chair to the controls, “Pilot. Or I kill your friends”

Peter starts to quickly punch in the coordinates to earth

\--

After a few hours, they reach our solar system

“Okay, we’re almost there. Give it a few more minutes” Peter tells Him

“Oh, goody. I don’t like killing and it would have been pretty bad if I had to-“

“NOW!” Peter yells

He turns to see Gamora with a bag and Rocket with a gun. He turns back to Peter and reaches for his blades. Gamora wraps the bag around his head and pulls the blades from their holsters.

“Hey, what the he-“

Rocket shoots him through his chest, spraying blood over Peter’s face

“Ugh, Rocket!”

“What sorry I don’t know blood patterns!”

“Hey, I can’t see!”

Peter pushes Wade to a wall, “Rocket, get the others!”

Rocket runs to the control panel and pushes a few buttons, opening the air lock

“Guys!” Drax yells

“Get out” Peter yells at them

They run out of the small room, allowing Peter to shove Wade into the room

“Wait!” Rocket runs to the hatch and stares at their prisoner, “This is for earlier” He pulls out a gun and fires three shots into the room

Peter looks down at Rocket, “Man, wasn’t that a little much?”

Rocket looks to Peter, then walks to the control panel

“We’re entering the atmosphere” Rocket tells them

Peter looks at the man, “Drop him”

Wade smiles at Peter and waves with his fingers

“Gamora?”

She gives Him the blades

“Don’t ever let me see you again”

The air lock drop door opens before Wade can answer. Peter throws the blades down with him.

“Close it!” Peter yells at Rocket

Wade is falling to the ground, when he sees his blades falling a few feet away from him. He guides himself to grab them, and hugs them

“I won’t ever loose yo-“

He slams into a car in a small town in Texas, United States.

\--

Rocket didn’t talk for a few days; Peter and Gamora are talking in the front

“You think he’s fine?” Peter asks while looking back at Rocket, who is drinking a glass of what is the equivalent to whiskey

“I don’t think he’s going to be like that for too long, but just give him time”

Rocket pours himself another glass, slouched over the table he is sitting at


End file.
